AdventurouslyAuthentic

My paternal grandmother was a teacher and principal. My mother was an elementary school teacher. Teaching, education, and all the things that define “school” run through my veins. They are my heritage, my tradition.

The changes in this year’s back-to-school routine and traditions are making me all kinds of crazy.

Also making me crazy is my kitten’s love of chewing pencil erasers.

Even if you, Reader, don’t come from a heritage like mine you may be feeling all kinds of crazy, too.

Let’s lament together.

First, I have deep grief and uneasiness about the new year. I am not grieving the mask requirements or the new cleaning protocols; rather, I am grieving the actual NEW YEAR. For as long as I can remember of my now 43 years of experiencing fall I have always felt like fall is the best time to celebrate a new year. A dark, cold, bleak midwinter is not the time to make new year’s resolutions! The first day of school is! There is something divine about freshly sharpened pencils, blank notebooks, and new teachers. I know all of that will come…it just feels different because IT IS different this year.

Second, my deep ache comes from the changes in schedule. My children (and I!!) were to start their new year on August 24. Instead, it was pushed back to September 8. One college around me actually started two weeks early. Basically, my lament is that I thought my fresh start was a certain day and it’s not. This may sound trivial, but when it comes to grief IT ALL MATTERS. On a bigger scale, we are grieving the fact that we aren’t actually in control. Reader, I really hate that.

Third, I missed my favorite high holy day. Now, for you who are scratching your heads wondering what holy day this is I am here to tell you that you will not find it on a liturgical calendar. My favorite day at church is Back-to-School Blessing Sunday. Consistently we have MORE people come to this service than Easter. Crazy, I know. It’s a time for the community to gather and bless our students, teachers, and administrators. Each year I have all the students (preschool through grad school) come forward for the blessing. The front of the church is packed with learners. Because of county requirements we couldn’t pack the pews like normal. Missing this day makes me feel like I just skipped my kids’ birthdays or  forgot something important. I am contemplating alternatives, but let’s just say that when the scheduled day for the blessing came and went I felt spiritually wonky.

Wonkiness, by the way, is one of the best ways I describe grief.

There are more academic ways to describe grief than it’s wonkiness. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five stages of death (which most people–including me–have morphed into the five stages of grief). They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I can see you nodding your heads now. Oh, yes, anger. Oh, hi, bargaining. The list isn’t linear. We don’t check off denial when we move to anger. It’s a whirlpool. The stages of grief swirl around us, make us lose our footing, pull us under.

This is why we must lament.

In my opinion, lamenting is a spiritual requirement. We must be able to shake our fists at the Creator. We must be able to soak pillows with our tears.

My tears have been my food day and night. –Psalm 42.3

My older child is a high school senior this year. We have discussed grieving the loss of what she dreamed and imagined her senior year to be. Her tears are not only understandable; they are holy.

Over one-third of the Psalms are laments. An entire book of the Bible is called Lamentations. Expressing grief and sorrow is something we should do. We have to. The Bible reminds us that not everything is sunshine and rainbows.

There is also lament.

If you are feeling wonky, I am with you. If you are experiencing any of the five stages, I am with you. If you are hesitant about sharing your sorrow with God, I am with you. If you are raging in your prayers, I am with you.

Let’s lament together.

Amen.

If you missed part 1 of this series, click here. Next week brings part 3–a blessing. But first…we must lament!